The Eternal Unboxer on the Pensive Ballot

Here's my attempt at writing the transcript for the Pensive Ballot video:

Hey guys, welcome back to the channel.

(I stare at the box, which is surprisingly heavy, its weight practically suffocating under my gaze)

Okay, here it is. The Pensive Ballot. I'm not really sure what to expect here. The label lists the weight, which is a thin, grey rectangular block with a slight sheen to it. What catches my attention is the "elegant perforated label" - it's not clear what this means.

(I pick up the box, trying to find a hidden mechanism, but it feels more like a thick, corrugated cardboard with a few scattered scraps of tape stuck to it. I press one of the arrows that's supposed to be on the side, and nothing happens)

I tried to open it, but it doesn't budge. I pressed the small handle on top, but it's just a normal handle. I also tried to rip it open with my teeth, but it's too tightly wrapped.

I thought it was a joke, but after three attempts, I realized it's not. It's supposed to be some kind of... I don't know, invisible lock?

I've seen videos of this before - people have tried to open the Pensive Ballot, and almost always, the moment of failure is framed by a shot of a neatly presented, product unboxing process. This is something else.

(I pause to examine the instructions, which are written in a poorly translated font that seems to shift letters in mid-air)

So, I'm supposed to like this thing and hit the like button three times...